Americans are highly
motivated to lose weight - as a growing list of best-selling books and highly
trafficked dieting Web sites attest. We're just not approaching it the right
way. The pressure we put on ourselves to succeed - and the self-criticism we
indulge in when we fall short of the mark - can have dire emotional and dietary
repercussions.
Consider that pair of
jeans hanging reproachfully in the closet. You realize they don't fit, and you
feel unattractive and worthless. This tendency to evaluate yourself too harshly
will only make you give up altogether. You want to head to the fridge for
solace.
You need to identify
the things you're telling yourself that cause you to feel discouraged and to
throw in the towel. Don't beat yourself up when you overeat. Accept that you
acted in a self-defeating way, then establish better methods to meet your goal.
Review what you'd like to do and work toward that goal.
Perhaps you're not
(yet) berating yourself for failures, but putting inordinate pressure on
yourself to succeed. When you tell yourself, "I must lose 25 pounds by
Valentine's Day, or I'll never get a date," you're setting yourself up for
emotional turmoil, as well as weight-loss failure. Losing weight in a
prescribed amount of time is a worthy goal, but the perfectionistic premise
that sneaks into your thinking may well interfere with sensible eating and
exercise.
In a perfect universe,
the sight of those jeans, or the knowledge that Valentine's Day is around the
corner, would elicit rational thoughts like, "I'm going to look great
soon, and I'm going to enjoy the challenge of eating sensibly and exercising
along the way." But few of us think that.
What We Really Tell
Ourselves
Psychology Today spoke with Nando
Pelusi and Mitchell Robin, clinical psychologists in New York City, about what
we really tell ourselves, sabotaging our own best efforts to lose weight - or
meet any goal.
·
"I must be thin." This creates
desperation, which undermines a healthy long-range approach to sensible eating.
Also, perfectionism pervades this thinking (I must not only be thin, but also
perfect).
·
"I must eat until sated." Early humans
lived in an environment in which food resources were scarce. While our
ancestors had to hunt down squirrels and eat them, we can supersize a Whopper
meal and skip the workout.
·
"I need immediate results." The demand for
immediate improvement undermines commitment to a long-term goal. Quick fixes
are hard to pass up: "This cupcake will make me feel good right now."
We think, why bother eating healthfully, when the reward is far off? Dieting
requires present-moment frustration and self-denial with little immediate
reward.
·
"I need comfort." People eat to avoid
feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety. Fatty and sugary food provides
immediate comfort and distraction from other issues. Resolving some of these
problems may help you overcome poor eating habits.
·
"I feel awful." "It's terrible
being heavy." For some, being overweight is the worst thing imaginable; it
can immobilize you and leave you dumbstruck. That's a reaction more suited to
tragedy. Weight loss is best achieved without that end-of-the-world outlook.
·
"It's intolerable to stick to a diet." "It's just
too hard to diet." This thinking renders you helpless. People who are
easily frustrated want easy solutions. We're seduced by fad diets because they
appeal to that immediacy. Yet people who rely on fads suffer high failure
rates. When you diet with the short term in mind, you don't learn strategies
that require patience and persistence.
·
"I am no good." "Because I
am having trouble in this one area I am worthless." Being overweight can
be viewed as a sign of weakness or worthlessness, and most people aren't
motivated when they feel that way. Another form of worthlessness: "My
worth is dependent on my looks." This idea confuses beauty with thinness,
a concept played out endlessly in the media.
Get Moving
Now that you've thrown
out your irrational thinking, a little motivation is key to change. But how do
you make that leap? Psychologist and marathon runner Michael Gilewski has found
that the brain can achieve a state of habitual behavior through small successes
- turning a once extraordinary effort into mere routine.
"Even when
someone climbs Mount Everest, it's usually not his first time climbing,"
he points out. Perhaps motivation may simply be the product of positive
reinforcement and repeated success. PT asked five expert motivators - including
an active-duty drill sergeant and a rock-climbing instructor - how they rally
everyone from first-time dieters to hard-core soldiers.
Deborah Low is a
certified weight management and lifestyle consultant in Vancouver, British
Columbia.
"We have an
all-or-nothing attitude: If we don't do our full hour at the gym, we may as
well sit around and eat junk food. If you feel guilty and punish yourself, you
may eat 10 cookies instead of 2. If you criticize yourself, you'll never
change.
"Motivation is
something we get from other people; but inspiration swells within us. Thinking
'I'll lose weight and then I'll be happy' is not enough. If we respect and love
ourselves, independent of our weight, it's easier to make healthy choices.
"We struggle
because we're fixated on the end result. We force ourselves to go to the gym,
restrict food, measure and weigh ourselves. You let that number on the scale
determine how your day's going to go. I ask clients to remember what it was
like to play as a kid. You ran around, climbed on things - your goal was not to
lose weight, it was to have fun. Being active gave you a sense of freedom,
excitement and amazement. You have to reconnect with that emotion."
Being a Team Player
Chris Broadway
instructs an Outward Bound outdoor classroom on Hurricane Island, off the coast
of Maine.
"I set the tone
of team spirit in the beginning; I teach one person a skill, and his or her
responsibility is to teach everyone else. We let the students make their own
mistakes. We expect students to have problems, as the activities we construct
are a challenge. Discouragement can occur, but we celebrate accomplishments.
Students set their own level of achievement. Some have a focus on the end
result, but not everyone is results-oriented. Some want to measure success by
relationships they form, by the process itself.
"Another
motivating factor is how their experience here connects to their lives. We
create situations where there are actual risks and perceived risks, as in sailing.
We let the group navigate ahead of a storm, deciding when to pull back and when
to move forward. We show them how to apply these situations to their own
businesses or personal lives - calculate the risk, know when to take it or when
to step back.
"It's so much
more powerful when another student steps up to deliver the message of
leadership. As instructors, we're always building their tool kit so they have
the means to do that. With a group of 12, it's difficult to hide in the
background. Even if someone's in a slump, he or she absolutely needs to fill a
role."
Savor Every Mountain
John Joline is a
climbing instructor at Dartmouth College.
"Certain kinds of
teaching are done from below telling people what to do but being removed from
the activity. I try to teach from above - I climb with my students,
participating fully in the activity. I make my enthusiasm infectious.
"Even a climb
well within your physical limits - if you strive to climb it beautifully - can
be challenging and rewarding. Our culture puts emphasis on goals, on absolutes.
We're taught to believe competition should be ferocious. But if we lose that
sense of fun, of delight, all the haranguing in the world from an instructor
won't give a student lasting motivation. The bottom line is to savor the
movement, the physical sensation of moving up the rock and over the stone. That
itself becomes a reward compelling enough to keep one involved.
"For someone in
his or her mid-30s or older, climbing is still seen as a potentially dangerous
sport, daring and terrifying. It's a mental construct that can be inhibiting.
Plus, for white-collar workers, running hands and fingers over rough rock could
be shocking to the system."
Coming Home Alive
Billie Jo Miranda is a
U.S. Army drill sergeant in Fort Jackson, South Carolina.
"The goal is
being prepared for war and coming home alive. The [desire to] drop out occurs
in the first few weeks. Once they learn they have a comfort zone, get along and
trust people, we're pretty much over the hump. We motivate through example; we
do it next to, in front of and behind them. We tailor training around the
weakest soldier. It may not be beneficial for the soldier who was a college
athlete, but everybody is part of a team, they push each other.
"There will be
those who do the minimum. Today's youth are Nintendo children. Training
requires them to get out of bed and walk an extra mile. The more rigor you put
into training, the more a soldier knows what he can accomplish in combat. They
shouldn't enjoy training. It should hurt physically and mentally. And they hate
it. But we want them to enjoy the accomplishment. "If you have heart, you
have the motivation and the desire to get through anything. It's a patriotic
thought process: What we're doing is for the betterment of America. When they
say, 'I don't want to do this anymore,' just give me 10 minutes with a soldier
and she'll do a 180. We use their being volunteers as a motivational tool:
'Soldier, I didn't ask you to come here. You obviously joined the military for
a reason, you wanted to do something for your country.'"
Think Like a
Thermostat
Peter Catina is a
professor of exercise physiology at Pennsylvania State University.
"Most elite
athletes are already at the top of their sport, and to reach the next level is
a challenge. But it's difficult to sustain your level when you're at your
pinnacle - novice or expert. Everyone must have both physical and mental
discipline.
"Self-regulation
is key; you can make it simple by being your own monitor. You have to think
like a thermostat - be able to detect a discrepancy between the environment and
your internal standard. It's the difference between your current state and
where your mind and body would like to be. You can then adjust - raise your
standards to meet your expectations - through strategy and action. Some of us
are born with high self-regulatory skills, but I can identify clients who lack
the know - how and I teach them. Awareness is the first step: noting how many
calories you've consumed, how effective your exercise is, how frequently and
intensely you've exercised.
"Aerobics is no
longer the panacea for losing weight. It's the change in body composition that
makes you look better, and for that, strength training is more effective. Don't
constantly weigh yourself, since muscle weighs more than fat. Instead, measure
your body mass index - or even your waist - and only once every four to six
weeks. I've had many female clients gain five pounds but go down three dress
sizes."